Not A Good Day.

An update - I flew into CA on the 27th, been either at the hospital or eating/napping since. Butting heads with my stepmom, but that's set aside for my dad's sake. Now it's just waiting. The doctors and nurses keep him comfortable, and he's on dialysis because his kidneys and liver have completely failed. The cancer is in his heart, but by some small miracle it's not in his brain. When he's not sleeping he's lucid, and that's wonderful. This stuff is aggressive as hell, and I knew he was terminal when I flew out.

My brother supports me, even if he disagrees with me. All of the old hurts are forgiven, forgotten, and buried. My dad actually cried at the picture of my brother and I together.

My dad knows his days are short, short numbered. He may be doped up, but he isn't dumb. We're making the most we can with what time is left. For now, I'm going to stuff some food down my neck and get some sleep. This board has been a great distraction in the wee hours of the morning while he sleeps, and I appreciate all the replies.
My brother and I, all the past behind us. I'm the skinny guy with the beard. :)


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The Lord works in mysterious ways. Wish you and your brother the best.
 
You are a brave man. Thank you for telling us as it challenges all of us to be equally brave.
God bless.

Daryl
MN
 
Hurt between family members always runs deep... too deep. It is very difficult to put the past and the hurt behind ourselves and move on. I am glad that you and your brother have made that most important step. My condolences on the loss of your mom, and I hope that your remaining days with your dad are the very best.
 
I've beet back in Florida since late Thursday night. I got the call this evening just before 8 that my dad died this afternoon.

And found out two hours prior to the call that my wife of 12 years is leaving me.

ain't mondays grand?
 
X3 -- Monday is a bad day of the week no matter what day it falls on. You have run into some very tough time my friend.

"Billy G"
 
On Friday evening, my wife and I sat down to decide the fate of our marriage.

I let her know that I didn't want this to end, to be over. I would never tell her that she can't go. I've told her 'No' very, very few times in the past twelve years. I know the both of us have made mistakes in this, and that both of us share equal blame. I can now more clearly see my faults and failings, and we've both been honest with each other, as painful as it was. But where I am now, I could not take a separation. I made it clear that I was willing to work on the marriage if she stayed, but that if she chose to leave, it would be over.

She chose to leave. I can understand and accept that. We both still care about each other. This divorce is amicable, and neither of us is out to hurt the other any more than we already have. There will be no lawyers, no mediation, nothing of that sort. It hurts, and it's painful, but it simply is the way it has to be.

She took a transfer out of state. She wants me to have the house, because she knows how hard we've worked to get where we are. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to afford to keep it. We're splitting up the equity and debt equally. She doesn't want me to loose everything, and I want her to be financially secure to start over again. We'll be selling a lot of things, trying to get rid of as much shared debt as we can.

The timing is horrible. I lost my mother on June 25th, my father on August 10th, and now my wife. My world is shattered, and I can't even find words to describe how heavy this burden is. This divorce knocks out the last of the foundations I had.

I am not the same person I was at the beginning of June. I will not be the same person ever again, and I do not know how this will change me. I'm terrified.

I am broken. But not destroyed, not hopeless, and not giving up.

My life is in shambles. Most everything I truly cared about is gone, or leaving. Loosing my parents, and this divorce has hurt more than I ever knew I could hurt. There is nothing left but pieces. But, as much as it pains me, I talked to my wife, and we made our decision. At least now, I have a tiny bare spot to begin rebuilding my life. It is cold, miserable comfort. But it is solid ground, and it belongs to nobody but me.

I know I am strong enough to get through this, and despite everything, I refuse to give up on myself. I'm not proud of the person I am now, and I am not happy with the person I have become. There is a lot that I have to change, and it won't be easy or quick.

But I now have a small measure of peace, some of the uncertainty is gone. Things will get worse before they get better, and I have no idea what the future holds. At least now, I can grieve for my parents, for our marriage, and begin putting my life back together.

Some of you might wonder why I post this, where world + dog can see it. Some people may not care, or have a good chuckle at my misfortune. There's all kinds in the world. Some of you have been where I am, or close to it. You know what I'm going through.

I post this because I hope it helps someone who's having a tough time. Knowing that others have gone through similar and gotten through it helps. It isn't the end of the world, it only feels like it.
 
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