2019 Archive

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A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says, "Yes, I am."

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.

The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

The guy replies, "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."
 
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying '' Anyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!''
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.The teacher said, ''Do you think you are stupid,Little Johnny?''

''No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!''
 
ACHTUNG ALLES LOOKENPEEPERS


Das computermachine ist nict fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nich fur gerverken bei das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets, relaxen und watch das blinken lights.
 
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Why I Am A machinist

I am a machinist because when I was young I was told to look around and see who had the kind of life I wanted to have. Then go do the same work

What I found was that machinists are generally much better looking than average. They test out smarter and have more friends.

I heard about some guys from a university who studied machinists in a bar. They found that machinists get approached and generally get lucky about 43 times as often as most folks.

Machinists shoot better pool, catch more fish and don't win the lottery nearly as often as they should. They can work their VCR and set the clock on the microwave. Their kids are brighter, their lawns are greener and their cars run better. Their daughters are prettier and their sons are better athletes. Their spouses are sweeter and their mothers-in -law hardly visit at all.

Machinists do things like save lives and generally make a better world.

Anyway, I looked around and it seemed to me that machinists were clearly superior folk and I would be proud to be one. That is why I am a machinist. That and all the good jobs were taken.
 
Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By February 28, 2014
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or *****ing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase-- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Exampl es on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.






From Guys in the Witness Protection Program




 
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