How do you ask your wife to leave?

Do I ask her?


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FOMOGO

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When my wife could no longer park in our 1200sf garage, she told me to add on to the barn and move down there. Now I have 2100sf and actually have her car in the old space. If I get my new space finished this year we may have space for both family cars to be inside. She's a good women, and deserves much better than me, but she hasn't chucked me out yet. Mike
 

Janderso

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I'd say ...
"It's not you, it's me.
please don't be hurt.
you are still attractive and fun to play with, but that only goes so far.
I'm a man who has needs and desires, that only the cold touch of cast iron or steel, or possibly an optical comparator can satisfy.
honey we had a good run- but i want to see other machines- in the garage.
don't go away mad, just go away from my garage"
Yeah, women just can't compete with the feel of cold cast iron :)
I do have to treat Glenda nicely though, she is the major bread winner.
 

middle.road

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A car in the garage? I've heard of that happening. :cool 2:
When we moved in here I had thoughts of keeping one half of 24x24 open for vehicle repairs.
I've only pulled that off twice in (7) years. And that was just the front end barely into the shop.
And then when I scored the Bridgeport everything shifted so now even that's not possible.
 

Downunder Bob

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When our house was built 15 years ago the garage is actually 2.5 car size, and I had no thoughts of it becoming a shop.originally we had two cars and two motorbikes in there But then I got a bigger car 4x4 wagon, and it would quite fit only a couple of cm. I had to move it outside.

So I built a car port where the 4X4 stands. Then failing hips and back I had my bike converted to a trike, now everything is wedged in so tight I have to constantly move something just to get at anything else.

Then about 3 years ago I decided to get the lathe, once installed she squealed and cried and was most upset because although her car would still fit, it was only just, She said that I would get cranky if she hit the lathe and damaged it. Now, I said, I'm the most placid guy you could ever want to meet She sort of agreed, but still wasn't happy.

After about a week of her being unhappy, I put my thinking cap on, And suddenly, I had already decided I wanted a duckboard in front of the lathe, I had the idea, make the duckboard so that when the front wheels of the car touch the duckboard that is where she must stop. Has worked well for 3 years, so all happy again.
 

Ken from ontario

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Explain it to her in a friendly manner but clearly that a garage is not a place to park cars.
Fake a few accidents in the shop like trip over a wire, or something like that , when she asks what happened tell her the garage is so cramped that one of these days you may have a serious accident .she need to see how urgent it is to move out and save her beloved hubby.
 

Ken from ontario

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No don't ask her, Tell her to park outside.

Or

Buy her a new Suv or truck that is to tall to fit in the garage.....lol

Or

Find a commercial building for lease....... like me.....

View attachment 318277
Now that's a nice size shop, the milling machine looks so small in that corner, it would take I/3 of the space in my shop.
 

higgite

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The problem here is calling the space a “garage” instead of a “shop”. First item on the agenda is to erase the word “garage” from your vocabulary. Tell her that you know how much she appreciates you allowing her to park her car in your shop for however long it has been and that you have been more than happy to allow her to use the heretofore “extra” space in your shop. But, the time has come that the space occupied by her car is no longer “extra”, it is vital shop space that you now desperately need to continue functioning as a bread winner and ideal husband. Praise her profusely for her understanding of the situation and willingness to park her car elsewhere and offer to give her 24 hours to move her car. Trust me, I know from experience that this approach works. To wit, I now have full access to and use of the half of my garage where my ex used to park her car.

Tom
 

7milesup

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Higgite....

You mention "ex". I am thinking that in your exhuberance in obtaining full use of your grara... shop, some other factors may have been overlooked.
 

mattthemuppet2

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blimey!

you need to think 3 dimensional. It's like a giant puzzle. First thing to do is to get everything that can be moved off the floor up onto shelves or hanging from the ceiling. Then make a decent bench if you don't already have one so you can organise the things you need to use on a daily or weekly basis. Then figure out what gets used the least (hydraulic press and arbor press for me) and put those near the back against a wall with moveable stuff in front (bandsaw and bikes for me, maybe a welding cart for others). Then figure out what can go under or behind things in dead space. My 6x26 mill and Walker Turner drill press are like this \ / against the back wall.

You'd be amazed at what you can fit into 1/2 of a small 2 car garage. I have a 6x26 mill, floor standing DP, 4x6HF bandsaw, 10t press and 3t arbor press, 6 bikes, a 12ft long bench and a small bench lathe in my "1/2" of the garage, plus space for a bike work stand. Now, I often have to move my commuter bike around if I want to use more than one of those tools as it's typically resting against one of the other ones, but it's all pretty accessible and usable with little effort.

The big plus is that the car is out of the Texan sun in summer and out of the rain and cold in the winter. Would be even better if we lived somewhere where it snowed. Car stays looking good for longer too, no hazing headlights and fading paint.
 

GunsOfNavarone

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blimey!

you need to think 3 dimensional. It's like a giant puzzle. First thing to do is to get everything that can be moved off the floor up onto shelves or hanging from the ceiling. Then make a decent bench if you don't already have one so you can organise the things you need to use on a daily or weekly basis. Then figure out what gets used the least (hydraulic press and arbor press for me) and put those near the back against a wall with moveable stuff in front (bandsaw and bikes for me, maybe a welding cart for others). Then figure out what can go under or behind things in dead space. My 6x26 mill and Walker Turner drill press are like this \ / against the back wall.

You'd be amazed at what you can fit into 1/2 of a small 2 car garage. I have a 6x26 mill, floor standing DP, 4x6HF bandsaw, 10t press and 3t arbor press, 6 bikes, a 12ft long bench and a small bench lathe in my "1/2" of the garage, plus space for a bike work stand. Now, I often have to move my commuter bike around if I want to use more than one of those tools as it's typically resting against one of the other ones, but it's all pretty accessible and usable with little effort.

The big plus is that the car is out of the Texan sun in summer and out of the rain and cold in the winter. Would be even better if we lived somewhere where it snowed. Car stays looking good for longer too, no hazing headlights and fading paint.
I have used every vertical and horizontal inch in the "shop". I'm building a short chop/bobber and it's a struggle to find room to do anything. A have a foot or 2 in front of each of my most used machines/toolbox etc...but it's also limited any expansion I really want a cnc plasma table. I would have a lot more if I had room. I do get paid to work in y shop as I work from home every Thursday for my employer making/fixing things. So technically, it is my partial office as well.
 

matthewsx

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Yes, like everything else in a marriage you need to be open about what is going on with you. Be prepared to really listen to her concerns. DO NOT dismiss or rationalize anything while you are discussing it. Talk maybe 1/4 the time you normally would and don't be afraid of waiting until she breaks the silence.

If she wants to talk it through go ahead but let her lead with her concerns. If she's anything like my wife she will need time to process the change you are proposing, make sure she knows it's not a decision you have already made and are just looking for her acceptance/acquiesce. It probably goes along with the discussion about retirement and what type of lifestyle you are planning for that so the better you two are alligned in that area the more likely you'll be able to come to some kind of agreement.

Are you prepared to go out and clear her car off every time she wants to run down the street to visit a friend? Really think it through and make sure you can see things from her perspective as much as possible. It might be a BIG deal for her, or it might not but you won't know unless you discuss it.

John
 

matthewsx

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I have used every vertical and horizontal inch in the "shop". I'm building a short chop/bobber and it's a struggle to find room to do anything. A have a foot or 2 in front of each of my most used machines/toolbox etc...but it's also limited any expansion I really want a cnc plasma table. I would have a lot more if I had room. I do get paid to work in y shop as I work from home every Thursday for my employer making/fixing things. So technically, it is my partial office as well.
This virus is making almost everyone re-asses what is important in life. If your employer is willing to give you an extra few days a month to work from home that might be seen as positive for your wife, provided you are pleasant to be around while you are, or it allows you to do additional stuff for your home.

If you're planning on moving in 5 years now is the time to start clearing stuff out. A shop expansion might make sense, or maybe there's a spot in the house (like a spare room) for small detail work that doesn't involve chips or fumes. Or maybe there's a hobby that she would like to get into that would be compatible with extra shop space where her car used to be.

Many of us are married to women who are much smarter than we are (raises hand) so any problem we see is intractable they might have a good solution for it.

John
 

GunsOfNavarone

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So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!
 

matthewsx

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So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!
But why not talk it through with her?

I spent many, many years moving cars out of the way and having a real shop only in the summer. Then I decided some of the stuff that was just being stored could be stored somewhere else. Finally I sold my mom's car and have fully half the garage to work in most of the time.

The situation to avoid is resentment. If you discuss it you will know her feelings and can deal with them, if not you will always be operating with a "could have been" attitude that doesn't help anyone. Maybe her business could be expanded in the newly freed up space and your talents could be used for a dog tag line to complement it. Who knows, it might even go well enough that you can retire even earlier and get that new shop, one that will pay for itself.

john
 

extropic

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So 26.7% say tell her to get out, 13.3% say let her stay and 60% say I'm screwed. Looks like I will have to wait until we move. In the interim, I will pull her car out a lot, put things in her way and maybe take my time getting them moved until she can get back in...set a situation of inconvenience for both of us I guess. Seems sort of passive aggressive, but come on, I live for my shop, I get paid to work in there. I have made her tools and things she needs (she has a dog collar making business.) I keep this house and all 3 cars running.That garage, NO DOUBT, keeps this household moving. RIGHT?!
Missing question from the survey: Would I be foolish to take advice on my marital relationship from a TH-M survey?

Edit: advice, not advise
 
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GunsOfNavarone

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Missing question from the survey: Would I be foolish to take advise on my marital relationship from a TH-M survey?
@extropic this really is for fun. I'm PROBABLY not going t much...other than grumble under my breath. It is on my mind a lot, this is my outlet all the time, but right now, it's kinda my everything. After work last night, I just went and welded coupon for an hour, I'm making a case today for some of my calibration tools. Somewhere to forget what's going on in the world....
 

JimDawson

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I guess you could do what I did, just go buy another piece of property with a shop already on it and tell her about it after the deal was done. ;)
 

GunsOfNavarone

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@JimDawson That will be the deal when we retire early and move from Colorado. She knows the free standing detached shop is a must have, or at least the land to build it on.
 

extropic

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@extropic this really is for fun. I'm PROBABLY not going t much...other than grumble under my breath. It is on my mind a lot, this is my outlet all the time, but right now, it's kinda my everything. After work last night, I just went and welded coupon for an hour, I'm making a case today for some of my calibration tools. Somewhere to forget what's going on in the world....
I understood it's all tongue-in-cheek.
My previous reply was supposed to be more of the same.
I should have included some emoticons. :laughing:
 

matthewsx

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The question might be for fun but it's a serious question. If there was something really important to her wouldn't you want to know about it and discuss it with her?

Certainly this isn't the place for making decisions that should be made with one's spouse, but it actually is a good place to find out how others have dealt with similar questions. The older I get the more I wish I had learned from the experience of others more than my own....

What we (everyone in the whole world) is going through now with COVID-19 will end up having a deep impact on how we see ourselves, our communities and the larger world around us. Now is a great time to sit down with the people we love and have real discussions about what is important in life and how we can support each other.

I honestly believe you would be doing a disservice to your marriage by not discussing it with your wife.

Sorry to be so serious about this but it clearly means a lot to you and there really is no better time to discuss these things than right now when everyone's plans are in flux.

John
 
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