Today's Joke - 2023 Mega Thread

[vtcnc]

Today's Joke Mega Thread - keep it family friendly and NO POLITICS.

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[Eddyde]

 

[savarin]

I was really very shocked when I heard that Dracula passed away at midnight on New Year's. It seemed like there had been a countdown.

I put a pouch full of sugar under my pillow new years eve, I wanted to start my new year with sweet dreams.

I remember last year as if it was only yesterday.

I decided to buy a 4K TV on January 1. That is going to be my resolution for this new year.

 

[Marv in Minn]

the Minnesota weather forecast for tomorrow looks like one of these days!

 

[Just for fun]

 

[Truckmannorth]

.

 

[Braeden P]

 

[RJSakowski]

My Dad was never one to tell jokes but here is one of few he did tell.

Lumberjacking in the Wisconsin Northwoods in the 1840's was a hard and risky job. Lumber camps were situated in the midst of large pine forests and in the winter, the long distances to anything resembling civilization and deep snows meant that the camps were on their own until Spring.

On one of those camps, the cook suddenly took ill and died. Left without a cook, the lumberjacks decided to draw straws and the short straw was the cook. To keep things fair, they also decided that the first person to complain became the new cook.

Lumberjacks have many skills but cooking isn't one. The meals were so bad that invariably, the first person to take a bite would complain. Lumberjacks also preferred to being out in the woods, so complaints about the cuisine were not coming as quickly. One cook had been in the job for several weeks and although there were a lot of grimaces and gritted teeth, no one was complaining. In desperation, he ventured out and collected up a basket full of moose droppings. He fried them up with some bacon drippings and served them up for breakfast. HE stood by the dining room door waiting in anticipation for the first complaint. As one lumberjack took his first bite, he exclaimed in a loud voice, "moose sh**! .... but is it good!".

 

[Marv in Minn]

My Dad grew up in logging camps and told of one old fellow bragging about how good smoking his pipe was,
until someone snuck it, loaded it with rabbit pellets and put it back.

 

[homebrewed]

My dad claims this is a true story.

When he was 45 years old Dad started working on a new career, Optometry. To give students some experience working with patients the students performed examinations at the local Masonic Lodge retirement home, and one day Dad came home laughing. He had visited the retirement home with another fellow Optometrist-to-be, who had tried & tried to perform an examination of one of the resident's eyes, but he just couldn't see anything. He said something to that effect to the patient, who cackled, "that's not surprising. It's a glass eye!".