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Today's Joke

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YEAH ------ I made the GROAN LIST.
 

GA Gyro

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Badge of honor... :cool:
 
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Let's see if I can do it again ???


I knew a Mathematician who was deathly afraid of negative numbers. He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

"Billy G"
 

Groundhog

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Yep, you made the list again! :rolleyes:
 

RandyM

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Let's see if I can do it again ???


I knew a Mathematician who was deathly afraid of negative numbers. He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

"Billy G"
I don't know Bill, it all adds up to me.

I also like you are keeping it positive, we don't allow negativity here.
 

RandyM

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Seriously, let's all put on a smile for the rest of the week.


Smile.jpg
 

savarin

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And dont forget the constipated mathematician who worked it out using a pencil and logs.
 

PHPaul

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Oh, bad math jokes, eh? Okay, you asked for it.

The Ark grounded after the Flood and all the animals filed off past Noah, who urged each pair to "go forth and multiply" to repopulate the Earth.

After a few months, two snakes, a pair of adders, came back to find Noah and told him that in spite of making all the appropriate efforts, they simply weren't having any success.

Noah thought this over, prayed over it, and soon had the answer. He cut down a small tree, sawed the trunk into logs and made a tiny little table out of the wood. Then he told the snakes to crawl up on the table whenever the urge struck them, and perform their mating dance thereon.

The snakes went off and did as they were bid and sure enough a while later they returned with the happy news that they had successfully produced a nest full of baby snakes. "It's wonderful," they said. "However did you know that a little table would solve our problem?"

"Simple" Noah says, "Everyone knows that even adders can multiply with a log table."
 

Bob Korves

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Once there were three Indian squaws. One laid on a deer hide, and she gave birth to a son. The second laid on an elk hide, and also gave birth to a son. The third squaw laid on a hippopotamus hide, and gave birth to twin sons.
This proves once again the age old theory that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
 

Groundhog

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Bob, I sure hope no one saw me laughing at that one.
 

savarin

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As most of you know William Penn trotted of to the Americas and founded the state of Pennsylvania.
what most people dont know is that before he did that him and his brother ran a bakers shop in the bottom of Cornwall.
Upon leaving the country they left the business to their aunts.
The aunts became very well known for their selections of various meats and vegetables wrapped in a pastry crust and baked.
Every morning the aunts would write the names and prices of these delectable meaty pastries on a blackboard out side the shop.
I suppose this was the "Pie rates of Penns aunts"
 

Bob Korves

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Bob, I sure hope no one saw me laughing at that one.
Remembering the joke is easier than remembering how to spell "pythagorean."
 

Z2V

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Once there were three Indian squaws. One laid on a deer hide, and she gave birth to a son. The second laid on an elk hide, and also gave birth to a son. The third squaw laid on a hippopotamus hide, and gave birth to twin sons.
This proves once again the age old theory that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Ha, I don’t think I’ll tell this one to my Lil Apache bride, might not go well, LOL
 

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Love and marriage is like a deck of cards, it starts with 2 hearts, then a diamond, then a club, and finally a spade
 

Hawkeye

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Bin dere, dun dat, lost the T-shirt.
 

Groundhog

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Missing Ex-Wife…..

The day after his ex-wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your ex-wife," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found
your ex-wife's body in the bay."

"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
 

RandyM

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Tommorow.jpg
 

Old Mud

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I'm getting a camera !!. :big grin: download (2).jpg
 

2volts

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I spotted a cat on someone's front porch meowing to be let in.
Without thinking, I walked up, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left.
It was only as I rounded the corner that I realised what I had done as I heard the owner shouting.
"SARAH, SARAH, THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOOR BELL!"
 

savarin

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I was in the high street last week when I saw a huge crowd of people walking along.
I looked to the head of the line where I saw a coffin and a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd.
I approached the owner and he asked him: "What happened here, man?"
"Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said.
"Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?"
"My dog bit her…"
"You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for a night?"
"You better get to the back of the line line!"
 

Old Mud

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Well this tells us something. :beguiled:.



. 11136766_1038975879464440_5448353761047746944_n.jpg
 

Old Mud

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Always wear your PPE !!! :eek:.



. fd701ca3bc86084cb97e5941b7054d317c442712.jpeg
 

jim18655

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This is the version I use for OSHA training classes.
 

Attachments

Pro70z28

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Why do we park in the driveway and drive in the parkway?
 

Pro70z28

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....And why do they call them Apartments if they are all stuck together?
 

jim18655

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If you say something is 'indescribable' haven't you just described it?
 

Old Mud

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Well ???? :eek:'

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