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alloy

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ACHTUNG ALLES LOOKENPEEPERS


Das computermachine ist nict fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nich fur gerverken bei das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets, relaxen und watch das blinken lights.
 
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alloy

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Why I Am A machinist

I am a machinist because when I was young I was told to look around and see who had the kind of life I wanted to have. Then go do the same work

What I found was that machinists are generally much better looking than average. They test out smarter and have more friends.

I heard about some guys from a university who studied machinists in a bar. They found that machinists get approached and generally get lucky about 43 times as often as most folks.

Machinists shoot better pool, catch more fish and don't win the lottery nearly as often as they should. They can work their VCR and set the clock on the microwave. Their kids are brighter, their lawns are greener and their cars run better. Their daughters are prettier and their sons are better athletes. Their spouses are sweeter and their mothers-in -law hardly visit at all.

Machinists do things like save lives and generally make a better world.

Anyway, I looked around and it seemed to me that machinists were clearly superior folk and I would be proud to be one. That is why I am a machinist. That and all the good jobs were taken.
 

derf

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Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By February 28, 2014
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or *****ing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase-- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Exampl es on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.






From Guys in the Witness Protection Program




 

alloy

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Playboy magazine is going in a different direction.

They had a gorilla as a centerfold. She was Miss Aperil.
 

higgite

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I've said it before and I'll say it again, we definitely need a "groan" button.

Tom

BTW, alloy, was the centerfold the gorilla your dreams?

(I told you we need a groan button.)
 

higgite

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She reminds me of a girl from the neighborhood where I grew up. A real chimp off the old block.

Tom
 

jtrain

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Oct 3, 2012
Messages
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why did the chicken cross the road??
To get to the idiots house.


Knock knock
who's there?
the chicken
 

2volts

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Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates into Heaven.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.

"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky so I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.

Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst ..."I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.
Saint Peter is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.

He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows who arrived here just before you."
“I don't know" says the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest........
 
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