Today's Joke

FOMOGO

Active User
H-M Lifetime Diamond Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
3,567
WAL MART AND THE RETIRED

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband
go with her to Wal Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping
trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to the Mrs.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr Fenton are
listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Wal Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,
Wal Mart
 

Just for fun

Tim Young
H-M Supporter Gold Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2020
Messages
852
WAL MART AND THE RETIRED

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband
go with her to Wal Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping
trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to the Mrs.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr Fenton are
listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Wal Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,
Wal Mart

That gives me some ideas next time I go to Walmart.
 

Bi11Hudson

Artificer00
H-M Supporter Gold Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2017
Messages
1,722
WAL MART AND THE RETIRED

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband
go with her to Wal Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping
trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to the Mrs.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr Fenton are
listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Wal Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,
Wal Mart
I like the idea too. Several good ideas there. Must get Wife to carry me along next time she goes. Have a full beard that I can shave off if I ever do something "unsociable". The chair might be a giveaway, though.

.
 
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