2017 Archive

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A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”

The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
 
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but I don't want you starting anything!"
 
This white horse goes into a bar, the barman says
"We have a drink named after you"
The horse says "What, Eric?"
 
gorilla goes into a bar and orders a beer.
To make conversation the barman says "we dont get many gorillas in here" the gorilla replied " its not surprising, the beers crap"
 
I went for a job on the building site but the foreman apologized and said he only employed Irish laborers.
I said well I'm Irish, my names Dare.
He said it didnt sound Irish so I told him everyone on this site knows me.
Prove it he said.
I went outside and called to the roofer on the house over the way
HEY, PADDY!
He leaned over the edge a shouted back
HELLO DERE!
 
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.

The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor`s advice and after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she`d indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question, "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
 
If you're a cannibal and you decide to eat a unique psychic, do you cook her medium rare?
Or do you just consider it well done that she didn't see you coming?
 
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