2017 Archive

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A blonde woman gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says..

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.


The boy says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"
 
I walked into a bar last week, I went "OUCH!" it was an iron bar.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

I usually eat yeast and boot polish for supper so next morning I can rise and shine.
 
A horse walks into the bar.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"


A guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. He asks the bartender, "Do you serve Irishmen?"
Bartender says, "Of course we serve Irishmen. Why wouldn't we?"
Man says, "Excellent! A shot of bourbon for me and an Irishman for my gator."

Tom
 
and after a few more rounds the barman said "sorry but I've run out of Irishmen, Ive only got dwarves left, one of those"?
"Better not" said the man, "he gets vicious on shorts"
 
After gator left I went in with my talking dog and tried to sell it.
After they all stopped laughing I said "Just ask him some questions and he will answer them"
First man:-"What does sandpaper feel like"
Dog:- Ruff (I didnt say he could spell)
Second man:- "If I set light to a can of gas what happens"?
Dog:- Woof
Third man:- "Whats on the top of that shed"?
Dog:- Roof
After they threw us out the dog turned to me and said "do you think I should have answered Corrugated iron"?

:laughing:I must stop this and actually do some work (and everyone :applause:)
 
The only cow in a small town in Tennessee stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Michigan, for $800.00.

They bought the cow from Michigan and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Michigan ?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Michigan ?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Michigan ."
 
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