2018 Archive

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An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back that was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We're not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket he said, “I'm just here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast...
 
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
Without geometry life is pointless.
A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies “sorry mate we only do plain”
 
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best ***** with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's *****."
 
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ---------------------------- BREATHE

"Billy G"
 
What do you call a blonde that puts on a brunette wig?

Artificial Intelligence.
 
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