2019 Archive

Status
Not open for further replies.
The old farmer had a large pond in the back,fixed up nicely with
picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and
peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming
when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it
over. He hadn’t been there for awhile. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny
dipping in his pond.As he approached, he made the women aware of his
presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked,or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up in the air, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast!
 
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says, "Yes, I am."

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.

The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

The guy replies, "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook
 
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?'

Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said,
'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.'

She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?'

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said,

'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny......but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.
 
HAHA. That is a Lada Samara probably in Russia, i don't think he has heard about PPE.
 
Woman takes her vehicle to the dealership, -my handbrake is not working. - Mechanic, No problem the brake shows are a bit worn but i added few spacers the brakes are good as new.

Must have run out of EMT. :)
 
I've seen something even worse rigged up by a Volkswagen dealership using larger nuts and old bearings, with the rear drums making so much noise like a train was stopping, that metal on metal sound and the driver taught honorably her car is fine, and was surprised to find herself in a ditch a week later with one back tire locked up.
 
I hope this the proper place to post this. International Pronouns Day is coming on Oct. 21. How will you be celebrating?
Don't get me wrong, but I don't and never had any problem with people having to ask before they called me ,he or him.
I thought this was a joke when I saw a reference to it. Soooooo if in doubt look it up. My how times have changed?
Dave
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top