F'ing Scammers!

Sorry If I'm being a little blunt, but it sounds like your wife's father is suffering from the early stages of dementia. A person with his level of intelligence wouldn't keep repeating the same mistakes if he were in his normal state of mind. We've gone through this with a couple relatives in the past. It's time to convince him that it's in his best interests to let his wife have full power of attorney. As mentioned earlier change the phone number and keep in touch with the bank to thwart of any future attempts to scam him.

The laws in this country are sketchy when trying to prevent someone from committing a crime. They're not intended to prevent crime, but rather catch and punish those that have committed crimes as a deterrent for them to commit more in the future.
 
Many thanks for everyones input and support, so far. We are planning an "intervention" next week, with friends and family to try to convince dad to allow my wife to manage his finances. We also have doctors appointments scheduled for him to get a general checkup and neurologically evaluated. The only problem is getting him to agree to any of this and go to the appointments...

Today, he said he agreed to meet the scammers at a Starbucks to exchange gift cards for the "check", apparently they declined...
 
You mentioned that he was a chemist, PhD level. I know my father, PhD in genetics, hid the affects of Alzheimer's for years, which isn't too uncommon with very smart people who start suffering from various types of dementia. They learn little tricks such as how to read a clock to make it look like they are fine, just a little quirky. At his age, he needs to be checked out thoroughly and then you will probably need to have the "better two years to soon, than two seconds too late" conversation.
 
I think that’s a very wise thing to do, Eddy. And I have to agree with Projectnut— I too smell the beginnings of dementia and decline in executive function.

We went through many similar situations with my father towards the end and some things are just really hard to get your head around. One that always sticks in my mind had to do with a desk my Dad had in his room at the care place. It was no fancy thing, just a cheapo particle board and photo-finish affair that he used as a bookcase and such. Well one day I went there and there was a loonie-sized patch of the finish scraped away. I asked him what that was all about and he said that he’d found a stain on it so he was scraping it off….

Okay…, um,…you’re actually scraping right through the finish you know, eh?
No I’m not, look, it’s stuff that got on somehow and I’m just getting rid of it.

Well this went on for several weeks, and each day I’d go over the patch of raw, exposed particle board was bigger and bigger and bigger. Eventually he had succeeded in scraping the photo-finish covering from the entire desk top, gallery, and was partway up the one side and still he maintained he was just cleaning it. Now this was a man who, in his long lifetime, had helped raise seven children, built two houses, owned and managed a successful car dealership, and taught himself successful investing strategies for when he retired by the age of 50! And now he had just scraped almost entirely through an entire thickness of 5/8” particle board because he was trying to remove “a stain”.

But the really sad part was the one time that it actually sunk in and I was able to get across what he was doing, he just on the edge of the bed and asked
“…you mean I’m going the wrong way?”
“Yup, you’re making it worse, not better.”
There was a brief silence where it clicked, but then in a flash it was gone and he swore up and down again that he was just getting rid of some stuff thats on there.

As kids (their children) I think we often have as much trouble accepting the diminishment as they do. After all, these were (usually, anyway) our role models during our formative years, how can they not know what’s going on? Or better yet, we can’t figure out why they themselves can’t see how goofy they’re acting.

It’s a wild ride for sure, this aging process. Both for our own selves as well as watching others from the sidelines. It sounds like you’re in the right track though, and I hope you’re still able to make some changes for everyone’s benefit. Good luck.
 
I wish you the best of luck @Eddyde . I don't have anything to add to what has already been said.

My Dad went through hell with his dementia. The last five years of his life were a descending spiral into oblivion.

One thing I learned is to show grace when talking to someone with dementia/Alzheimer's. For example, if they show you a picture of someone and try to tell you it is someone who isn't, don't worry about it. Tell them it is a wonderful picture, and thank you for showing it to me. In five minutes, they won't remember anyhow. Trying to correct them only creates angst, more confusion, and sometimes anger.
 
So sorry to hear about this @Eddyde. Please make sure the doctors check for an UTI. Elderly people are more prone to UTI's, and the effects of a UTI on an older person's demeanor and decision making can be quite profound.
 
Update, My wife finally returned from California. The good news is it appears dad had finally learned his lesson, albeit it cost him $1,500. When my wife question him, he produced 5 gift cards at $500 each, he was bamboozled in buying for the scammers. His attitude was it wasn't a problem since he never gave them the cards. Well my wife checked the cards and sure enough they were all empty. More questions and he admitted he "Might have" given them the numbers of the back of the cards... Luckily, my wife called the card companies and was able to get 2 of them refunded and dad finally admitted he'd been scammed.
Furthermore, my wife set his phone to block all calls not in his directory. She was able to change all his banking to new accounts that she can access and monitor.

The not so good news. She finally got him to the doctor. While he's generally in great physical shape for 91, he didn't do so well on the memory/cognitive tests so he has to get more tests done and see a neurologist. He agreed to go but he has a habit of reneging on such matters...

Again I really want to thank everyone for their support, It meant a lot to me and my wife. She was amazed at all the responses, and she extends her thanks to all of you. I think all the advice really helped empower her to dig in and stand up to dads stubbornness, a life of being subordinate to him and now having to turn that around isnt't easy for her.

Hopefully, the worst of this has passed but I know it isn't over...
 
My heart is with you as you go through this.

So happy that she was able to get things buttoned up before any more losses.

John
 
Wish you the best. It is hard to have rolls reversed and have to be the parent. Looks like you are on the right track. It isn’t easy.
 
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