Do you ever argue with your spouse.

[Janderso]

Last night we argued.
It was about shop space and my inattenention to anything else.
We are displaced due to the California fire.
For me, a space to create and feel normal again is a big part of my daily thoughts.
Glenda, my wife, lost her home and all her stuff. I lost my shop and all my stuff.
We are still lost, sifting through the mountain of forms and decisions that need to be made.
Today, I am looking at property available to us that has a 20x30’ building I may be able to rent as a shop.
The property owner is allowing us to park our trailer there rent free.
The location is on the way to and from work. There is a 50 Amp 220 service. If it is a workable space, We may begin to heal.
Wish me luck!

 

[Boswell]

Wish me luck!

Good Luck. Sounds like a workable space if you can get it.

 

[Ken from ontario]

You are both frustrated and overwhelmed, you are most likely not the source of the her anger but the only one who could understand and show patience, I'm sure having lost all memories of the old life must feel like you've lost a part of yourself with the fire, give each other the outlet to express sadness, , just ride it out.

 

[jdedmon91]

I can relate it’s have to be a bit overwhelming for both of you to loose your whole life’s memory’s and the little things. It’s a pain to replace a house, and furnishings but it can be done. I had to assist my Mom on repairing her home after a fire. It had to be totally rebuilt from the inside. Trying to get back as close was a challenge because of the memories. That is what your understanding has to kick in.

We can replace possessions but memories and attachment that was made is hard. I feel for both of you, there is no way any of us can feel the sense of loss your family has lost.

My sympathies are with you. I’d like to send you a couple of my spill proof oil cups to help you out. PM a mailing address so I can send them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Ulma Doctor]

everyone deals with loss in different ways.
whatever feelings you both have, are OK and normal
there is no handbook outlining the proper etiquette on how to act when your life gets flipped upside down.
you deal with tragedy the best way you can

all you can do is break large problems into smaller more manageable issues and deal with them one at a time
count the blessings and know that people care

 

[Bob Korves]

I never argue with my spouse -- never married!

I must admit however, that at 68 years old, my SO and I are planning to get married... It is OK, I have known her for more than 35 years, and I know exactly what I am getting into.

 

[Aukai]

Hope you can get the space you need, and are able to take it a day at a time. I've had to recover after hurricanes, been through 5 in my life, it's never easy, but you get through it. There's not much choice really, wishing you the very best.

 

[projectnut]

I guess I would look at rebuilding the shop the same way you did when you originally built it up. I'm betting the original build was done long after all the living quarters were completed and furnished. When you had spare time and when finances would allow.

Personally I didn't start to accumulate the bigger machinery until I was about the age you are now. Until that time (I took an early retirement) I had more responsibilities with work and helping out relatives than I had time to complete. Granted I did have access to all the machinery I would ever care to use at work, but in reality little time to use them. Even when I retired it took a couple years to catch up on everything before I could put time into building a shop.

At this time I would concentrate on getting everything in order as far as a new house and property are concerned. You already know what you would like, and have a chance to purchase the property and buildings. Once a bit of that confusion is settled you can put more attention to finding acceptable machinery. I have always found it's best keep an eye open, but not rush into these kinds of purchases. Patience and perseverance are the key.

 

[FOMOGO]

Glad to see your starting to bounce back. As said above there is no normal for what you and your wife are going through. Just try to be kind to each other and take one day at a time, and take a little time to celebrate when you scratch something off the list. My wife and I rarely fight, as we have a system that has worked for us for over 30yrs. I tell her exactly what to do, and she does exactly what she wants. Cheers, Mike

 

[Aaron_W]

I've been married for 19 years, we've had an argument or two...

Most were related to long term stress. Not to go all Dr Phil, but in most cases the arguments and irritation with the other was largely a lack of communication, and not considering the feelings / concerns of the other.

If you've studied any psychology you've probably heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. The short version of the theory is that all of us have a core set of needs to be happy and healthy.



Whether or not you believe in this stuff, you and your wife have had the whole foundation of your pyramid kicked out from under you. It isn't business as normal, and won't be for quite some time. You need to be patient with each other, and go out of your way to make sure you are not ignoring the other.

You've got your shop to distract you, does your wife have something to help her get her life back in order. Are you guys doing anything as a couple outside of house hunting, a nice dinner out, a movie, bull riding, bungee jumping? Something fun and completely unrelated to recovering from your losses. I imagine everywhere you look around you there are reminders that make it hard to take a break from the stress and worry.

I don't even play a psychiatrist on TV and I didn't sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night so take this with a grain of salt. Just some things that have helped when my wife and I were getting on each others nerves.