Jeff,
like your situation, my wife retired 2.5 years ago from 25 years of teaching. With only 25 years, not a great pension, but an ok pension. She turns 65 next month so had to dump her state medical for medicare. Not planning to take SS till 66 4 months, her full benefit. Between her state pension and her 403B she does ok without SS. Her total medicare with copays will likely be $700/month. She has medical issues which will likely have her in a wheelchair within next 10 years.
Also like you, she does want me home retired now with her. I hope she will be able to be happy when I actually do join her ful time.
I turned 62 last week and still work. I have had my 401 maxed out for last 20 years, and have no debt. I have spent a lot of time planning my finances in Excel to try to figure out when to stop working, when to start SS, and which accounts to live off prior to taking SS. Current plan was stop working at end of 2021, but 401 account had a minor hiccup this year, so isn't looking like it will not have the balance I was projecting at end 2021.
SS figures out to be same payout total at your projected life expectancy, which is 82 for me. Was planning on waiting for my full benefit at 66-8 months.
Since life is indeed short, I do not plan to change my planned retirement date. We will make do with whatever money we have at that point. We had not planned on any major retirement purchases, but did plan on more international travel in retirement. After this year, that will change. Didn't think she ever would consider it, but we are now planning for a motorhome purchase next year and cancelling our international travel for a few years anyway. Not planning for full-timing, but maybe a 3 month trip a year plus some short ones. If our health and bodies last, maybe we be able to RV and international travel both. Due to unplanned expenses of the RV, I may take SS at 65 to have some extra cash.
The point of plans is that give us peace of mind to think that we have control of our futures. I have been known to plan. Life frequently laughs at all of our plans, and forces a direction that was never even considered. Nobody plans to get ill, or loose a spouse shortly after retirement starts, yet it happens too often. If I have learned anything about plans in my 62 years, I hope it is that the only plan that matters is I now plan to spend as much time as I can together with my wife. Meaning I plan to make as many new memories together as possible. Money, travel, some level of financial freedom, all these are just extras and not really that important compared to time together and memories.
Good luck with your decisions, they are truly different for all of us.
Ted