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2017 Archive
- Thread starter Frank Ford
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2017
- Messages
- 14
I try to live in theMoment, but have also been known to dwell InThePast.
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2012
- Messages
- 4,130
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares,
“Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair!
The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
“Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair!
The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2012
- Messages
- 4,130
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident.
The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter.
While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter.
While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2013
- Messages
- 593
A husband and wife are driving down the highway when she tells him she wants a divorce. The husband starts to drift off the road. She tells him she wants the house and he drifts off a little more. She also wants the kids and the dog -he drifts off a little farther. She asks him why he's not complaining and why he doesn't want anything. He just smiles and says he has everything he needs as he pats the airbag.
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,488
A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2013
- Messages
- 593
A train conductor is convicted of pushing a passenger off of a train to his death and sentenced to the electric chair. He asks for a green banana for his final meal, eats it and sits in the chair. The executioner throws the switch and there's a puff of smoke and the conductor lives. They discuss the problem and decide they have to release him. Several years later the same man is again sentenced to the chair for killing a passenger. Once again he asks for a green banana and survives the execution attempt. The warden asks how the banana helps. The man replies " it doesn't - I'm just a bad conductor."
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2013
- Messages
- 764
I'll bet one of the guys really couldn't tell a joke as well as the others.
edit: I guess didn't read ahead before responding. Oops !
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,488
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús."
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