What to say when. . . . .

davidh

davidh

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a 72 year old friend stops by or calls and tells you he has only a few months to live because his cancer has not responded to the treatments ?
there must be some words to comfort not only the friend but thyself as well.
"im really sorry to hear that" is just not enough as far as im concerned.
i don't need condolences but i'd like to express mine.
anyone have anything to help ? ? ?
 
Wow, that really sucks & is a tough one. I don't know how your relationship is with him but if it were me I would try to stop by more often & just try to spend more time with him, just the additional company sometimes makes someone feel more appreciated. Best wishes!
 
I dont deal well with this kinda thing. I dont think there are any words at all that really help. All you can do is be there for them, let them vent or cry or even yell and scream. It's unfortunate but we really cant understand. Just do what ever you can do to support them and their family. Take a little of their burden if you can
 
There is really nothing you can say that will make it easier. He has to be a real close friend to confide in you like that. This in itself makes it even harder. Be there when he needs you, there is not much more you can do.

"Billy G"
 
I have to agree with the visit more often and make sure he is comfortable when he is bed ridden. Adjusting a pillow means a lot when you cannot do it yourself anymore. Otherwise just continue to be the best friend he has...

Bob
 
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, Nimbus Sans L, sans-serif][/FONT]I was the caretaker for my parents while they were able to live at home and it's a really tough situation for both parties.

As far as what to say, I always tried to bring a bit of light into their dark world. Share their faith and emotions when appropriate. Ensure that they are comfortable.

With friends, try not let your friends condition get in the way of your friendship. Treat them the same as before if possible talking about hobby's, sports, whatever their interest.
 
Visit more and do things that you may have set aside for later, as there is no later. That is what I did with a good friend and Mom before they died.
Pierre
 
David this can be tough on the listener. However your friend needs your continued friendship. At some point it is appropriate to know whether your friend is "ready to go". My Dad passed away recently, but he kept on living and struggling like a trouper (navy man actually). But at one point when my sister and I were by his bedside, he asked us if it was ok to go, as though he needed our permission. With much compassion we let him know how much he had shaped our lives and it was fine to go when he was ready. Two days later he passed on, with no more pain and discomfort.

We could tell that there was a relief in him when we let him know.

DAvid
 
I recently went through a similar conversation with an old friend. He's divorced and has little in the line of family. I didn't know what to say either. Fighting to find the words, I finally told him, "George, we're gonna have as much fun as you can stand during the time you have left." His reply was simply "I'd really like that."

We've been to threshing shows, car shows, truck shows, county fairs, bawdy houses, just about anything you can think of, and ol' George just keeps on smiling.

Oh, and we haven't really been to any bawdy houses, but it sure sounded good!!!
 
My father was given 10 months to live when he was 47 because of a cancerous tumor. When we weren't upset about it, a real good way for us to deal with it was through humor. Sorry to hear about your friend.
 
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