Hi Mark, what's important to realize is that when your significant other stops putting you first, it's time to put yourself first. Asking her to stay would only result in you taking over the knife twisting duties yourself. The right thing to do is seldom the fastest, most comfortable, and easiest. It does get easier, and as hollow as it sounds, we aren't the first, nor shall we be the last, to go through this. We both got lucky in that it was amicable with the significant others. Either or both of us could have ended up having to move, or handing ill-deserved money to lawyers and the courts to let them force an agreement. As it is, that wasn't necessary for us. +1 on rearranging the house. it's your home now, so you can do with it as you see fit. As for being alone, well, it's a necessary part of being single, and it gives time to heal. I've taken one hell of an emotional beating these last six months, and some of the scars are still raw. But don't question the decision to let her leave. As soon as she decided that, your primary responsibility became looking out for yourself. Rather than making things difficult, we both worked our situations out amicably. But it's final. It is over. No matter if my wife calls up blubbering that she made a mistake, that she isn't happy, that she realizes she threw away someone who cared so much about her and wanted her to be happy, and all the things we've worked for. She knows this, I told her that if she wanted to be separated, it meant divorce. And that if she did leave, it was over. She decided to leave.
And I will stand by that. I spent far too many years being treated as a roommate instead of a husband, and I will not put myself back in that situation simply because it's familiar and comfortable. Heck, as crappy as things have been for me, they can only get better.
That's the best thing about breaking the shovel after hitting rock bottom and starting to dig. It means it's time to start climbing.
As far as your health issues and dating, don't let 'em stop you. Everybody has the right to be happy, regardless of health. Not trying to sound morbid, but all of our days are numbered. We each only get a finite number of them, and the fewer we have, the less we should waste being unhappy. Take time to get your head in order, look after yourself first. Then start hitting up you friends to set you up with someone nice. Go to Bingo night and see what happens. Heck, you can even look online, but remember the five rules of online dating (coming from a Network and Systems Administrator and IT professional who knows a few things about security and the internet):
#1- NEVER SEND THEM MONEY!
#2- NEVER SEND THEM MONEY!
#3- NEVER SEND THEM MONEY!
#4- NEVER SEND THEM MONEY!
#5- NEVER SEND THEM MONEY!
No matter what the sob story, no matter if they're going to 'lose their house, their kids, etc, etc'. What starts off as a few bucks ends up to be tons of money, and it's rarely reported as a crime because the victims are too ashamed to do so. It's extremely common, and some of them can be quite convincing. They are perfectly happy to take months to work the scam, because to them, 'Hey, free money!". Not saying that all women on the 'net are like that, but it's a darn common thing to happen, and single, lonely guys are vulnerable to it, just as are single, lonely women. Be *very* wary if they don't live locally, and start hitting you up for money to move. That's one of the most common angles of the scams. Not trying to put a damper on you, nor to scare you, but you're a friend, and I watch out for my friends. I had a buddy get hit with this sort of scam, and thankfully he only lost a couple of grand (which he couldn't afford) before he realized I was trying to help him. He didn't report it, either, because he was ashamed. Anyway, keep that in mind if you go online dating.
So remember that at this point, just like me, your #1 priority is to look after yourself. It's fine to help, but she made her decision, you chose to let her go so she could try to be happy, and if she finds the grass really wasn't greener, well, that's too bad because that's what she chose. Don't give her the chance to hurt you again.
And now, it's time to go muck out the chicken coop. Not the most enjoyable job, but it does give one time to contemplate things. Like how a chicken gets poop on the ceiling..... how is that even possible?!?!
