2018 Archive

[RandyM]

“Can you please fax over your resume?” asked the interviewer. “I’m sorry” responded the blonde, “it’s my only copy!”​

 

[RandyM]

An employee approached his boss regarding a dispute on his pay-check…​

Employee – Sir, this is $100 less than my salary.​

Boss – I know. But last month, when you were overpaid $100, by mistake, you didn’t complain!​

Employee – Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake, sir, but it seems to be becoming a habit, now!​

 

[aliva]

Here's a test for true love
lock your wife and dog in the trunk of your car, wait 1 hour, open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you

 

[.LMS.]

Since it is no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a nightclub. The bouncer said: “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai!

 

[savarin]

A boy was born without a body, only a head. Nevertheless, his parents raised him as well as they could. On his 18th birthday, he goes to a bar with his friends. He drinks alcohol for the first time and POOF, a torso comes out of his neck.

He drinks another drink and POOF, an arm comes out of his torso. He keeps drinking, POOF, POOF, POOF, he has a complete body! Completely drunk and excited, he runs out of the bar and is promptly crushed by a bus.

The bartender sighs and says, “He should have quit while he was a head.”

 

[brino]

Since it is no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a nightclub. The bouncer said: “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai!

I find that offensive!..........no Canadian?!?!?!
-brino

 

[dlane]

I know some dumb ass brunettes too

 

[Bob Korves]

I find that offensive!..........no Canadian?!?!?!
-brino

You have night clubs in Canada?

 

[.LMS.]

Yea - the canadian ballet.

 

[RandyM]

“I hate to have to tell you this”, said the Doctor in a sad compassionate voice, “but you have been unfortunately been diagnosed with a highly contagious disease, we will have to quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“That’s terrible!” Said the distraught young man, quickly sitting down before he could faint. “I don’t know if I could handle being in quarantine…and the cheese and bologna diet…

What’s with the cheese and bologna diet anyway? I’ve never heard of such a diet before?!”

“It’s not exactly a diet”, responded the Doctor matter of factly, “it’s just the only food that will fit under the door!”