A Man Walks In To An Electronics Shop

There’s a knock on the door. The man of the house goes to the door and finds a young blond lady standing there.
Man: “Hi, can I help you?”
Blond: “I’m a student at the community college and I’m looking for odd jobs to help pay tuition.”
Man: “Well, I was going to paint my porch. Do you think you can do that? I already have the paint, brushes, rollers, etc.”
Blond: “Oh, yessir. I’ll do it for $25.”
Man: “Wow! Sure! The paint and stuff is in the garage.”
Man tells wife what just occurred and wife says: “Wow! That’s cheap. Did she notice that the porch wraps around the side of the house?”
Man: “I don’t know, but I’ll tip her anyway.”
Twenty minutes later, the blond rings the door bell again and the man goes to the door.
Blond: “I’m finished.”
Man: “Already?! The whole porch?!”
Blond: “Oh, yes, it was easy. I even put on 2 coats. And, by the way, it’s pronounced Por-sha.”
 
I went to the Docs last week
He said open you mouth and say ahhhh!
I asked why?
He said "my dogs just died
Then he said stand by the window and stick your tongue out.
Why I asked
I dont like my neighbors was the reply.
I said I've really come here because every time I touch my shoulder it hurts and every time I touch my wrist it hurts and if I press hard on my head the pain is excruciating.
You silly bugger he said you've broken your hand.
Then I told him I cant stop singing the song Delilah.
He said I had Tom Jones syndrome.
I said is it rare?
He said its not unusual
 
Did you hear about the man who's left side of his body was crushed in an auto accident?

He's all right now....
 
A woman walks into a bar and orders a shot with a beer chaser. The bartender serves her and then says, "You're single, aren't you?"
Woman says, "Why, yes, I am. You could tell that from what I drink?"
Bartender says, "No. You're ugly."
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Woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartender asks, "Where'd you get the dog?"
Woman says, "That's not a dog, it's a duck."
Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."
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Man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash and asks the bartender, "Do you serve Irishmen?"
Bartender says, "Of course we serve Irishmen! What'll ya have?"
Man says, "I'll have a beer and give my gator an Irishman."
 
A Cajun farmer goes into a Co-Op and asks for 60 baby chicks. The person behind the counter tells him that they will be in on Monday. The Cajun returns on Monday picking up the baby chicks. On Friday, the same Cajun gentlemen comes back and orders 100 baby chicks. The Co-Op person says that they will be in on Tuesday. The gentlemen returns on Tuesday picking up the 100 baby chicks. The next week, the gentlemen returns and orders 200 baby chicks. He states that he will pick them up toward the latter part of the week.
When the gentlemen returns to pick up his chicks, the Co-Op manager makes the comment to the Cajun, you must have a good chicken farm. Looking perplexed, the Cajun tells the manager that he really has a problem and he is not sure what is the problem. When the manager of the Co-Op asks the old farmer what is the problem the Cajun is having, the Cajun tells him, "I'm really having a problem with the chickens, they just won't grow". He continues to tell the manager, "I have it narrowed down to 2 problems though, I don't know if I am planting them too close, or too deep!"
 
Since Elmo was mentioned I have to share this: My boys received a Tickle Me Elmo for Christmas one year. After a month or so it went silent, which frankly wasn't such a bad thing for Mom and I, so we left it that way. But he still shook vigorously as he should, so we named him Epileptic Elmo instead.
 
What stands on a ladder and goes "Snap Crackle Pop" An apprentice electrician
 
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