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2021 Archive
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Guy named Jack walked into a sports bar around 9:58pm
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $50 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $50 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $50 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $50 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2014
- Messages
- 3,590
(saw this on a newsite's comments board. I don't think it's political.)
With 2021 finally here, these are some of my 2020 Thoughts & Observations
1. The dumbest thing I bought in 2020 was a planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay home!
(My 90yo Aunt up in Illinois...
)
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. (And the Cerveza's.)
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.
(To which I add- )
13. Me: 'Honey what day is it?' Honey: 'Blursday'
14. Hello 'DoorDash', 'UberEats', 'Instacart'? (Honey has been finding some great coupons.)
With 2021 finally here, these are some of my 2020 Thoughts & Observations
1. The dumbest thing I bought in 2020 was a planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay home!
(My 90yo Aunt up in Illinois...
)5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. (And the Cerveza's.)
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.
(To which I add- )
13. Me: 'Honey what day is it?' Honey: 'Blursday'
14. Hello 'DoorDash', 'UberEats', 'Instacart'? (Honey has been finding some great coupons.)
- Joined
- May 8, 2017
- Messages
- 618
Full disclosure here...I stole this from another forum I'm on. I just HAD to pass it on here:
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery.
So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!”
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?”
“Yes I am..how did you know?”
He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery.
So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!”
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?”
“Yes I am..how did you know?”
He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2016
- Messages
- 11,477
This joke got my son's football coach banned from the rec council .
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2016
- Messages
- 11,477
Yesterday morning I felt terrible so I decided to take a Covid test . Drove up to the local store and picked up a 30 pack and got started . Opened #1 , smelled it . I could smell it ! Drank it down . I could taste it ! Just to be sure , I re-took this test 15 times .
Woke up this morning , feeling like crap . Had to repeat my tests ..................15 more times .
Woke up this morning , feeling like crap . Had to repeat my tests ..................15 more times .
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