Very Hard Decisions to make about my Dad

C

Charley Davidson

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My Mom called me Thursday morning and wanted to know if I could come help with my dad, she said he was getting mean & threatening. I immediately dropped what I was doing and went there, He seemed ok but soon as I mentioned cleaning up around the property so they can prepare to move I seen his meanness come out a bit. Unfortunately they have no options but get rid of everything and go back north to live. I know it has to be done but it's hard, we need to take my dad somewhere and he really can't come back cause it will be ugly. My mom asked me if I wanted anything out of the shop and initially I said no but after plundering and reminiscing with my dad I'd like to keep most of it. Some of it is tools he's had for years & some of it is carvings he's done and a lot is just junk.

I have a very short time to decide what to do & how to do it. I'm not sure how long I'll be here but I'm sure well past Thanksgiving.
 
Charley, are you the only sibling? If not lay some of this on the others to help split the load. You didn't really say where he is now and where they, or you ,want to move them to. I take it he has dimentia, which can be really trying on anybody. Your mom is doing her best I'm sure, but you guys might need some daily nurse visits. My wife takes care of the elderly and sick, so i do have a small clue as to what you guys might be dealing with. She tells me stories. :phew:

Marcel
 
They are in Sylva, NC. I do have 2 sisters and one brother, my mom called my oldest sister to see if I could bring my dad up there until the dirty deed is done and then she would come up but my sister doesn't want to deal with him. I have only spoken to her once in the past 10 years & same with my younger sister, My mom says my younger brother doesn't want any of it. They want to go back to Ohio but my sister wants my mom to get him in an assisted living home for $3,000 a month. That's not going to happen. I think my mom should just rent a place near me for the winter then decide what to do after their house sells.
 
Charley Davidson said:
I think my mom should just rent a place near me for the winter then decide what to do after their house sells.
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That sounds like the best idea from where I'm sitting. They can get a visiting nurse which should be covered under medicare.
 
Charley Davidson said:
My Mom called me Thursday morning and wanted to know if I could come help with my dad, she said he was getting mean & threatening.....................
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If your Dad is developing dementia, then for the sake of your Mom's safety you must get a medical professional's help straight away.
If possible, get Mom out of the house while you or another capable family member can stay with Dad until arrangements can be made to have him taken into care.

This is going to be a really tough time for you and Mom. I'm sure that the thoughts of everyone reading about this will be with you though.

Wishing you the very best,

M
 
I am writing a somewhat lengthy response for you, and will post it tonight.

Bernie
 
Your situation is very common, get him looked at, to find out the reason for the temperment change. Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, tumours etc something has changed for the worst. I feel for you.

My Dad and I are further down the same path with my Mom. We will actively look into placement starting Monday. She has dementia due to Parkinson's. She is 85. We moved her to the local hospital Saturday due to some issues and the doctor stated that it was time to do something as Dad at 82, has to deal with her all the time. She is near bed ridden and Dad can not really move her about without help.
Pierre
 
We placed my dad in an assisted living facility that allows them to have a room and home of there own like an apartment, but has communal meals in a restaurant type fo dining hall and has nurses who come around and administer meds and treatments as needed. They also make sure that the guests are bathing and eating in addition to socializing with other guests in the little community. It is a gated facility that has a strict speed limit of 4 MPH and a scooter path for golf carts and scooters around the golf course and grounds. My father had to forfeit his social security check and is allowed to keep 27 dollars a month for "health and welfare" items like heaircuts and soap. The facility is very clean an well run and has visitors all the time. The guests all seem very happy and have no complaints with the system or how it works, Guests who need more supervision can have a respite nurse at night and round the clock monitoring if it is called for. Medicare pays for all of it with no co-pay or out of pocket expense for him or his wife. Hope this helps you find a good situation for him soon. PM me if you need any additional info on how it is supposed to work.

Bob
 
Oh man Charley. My heart goes out to you and your Mom.....AND your Dad. This brings back such sad memories for me. I wish I had something helpful to tell you. I think I speak for everyone on the forum when I say we are all thinking and praying for the best for you all.

Steve
 
I went thru the same thing, can't tell you anything that will help. I was lucky I had my sister to help.

Prayers for you brother.
 
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