Mothering my mother

Wow guys. I feel for all of you going through various versions of the same movie with aging parents. My turn is coming very soon as well. Dad passed in2013 and mom is 80 and starting the dementia thing. Nothing officially diagnosed yet but it’s coming. Luckily we sold her home few yrs ago and got rid of 90% of the “stuff”. Now she’s going back and forth between me and my sisters houses. We both have spare rooms so it’s not a problem yet. But we all see the decline in cognitive abilities accelerating and it’s shocking. Ive already had to go get her after getting the call that she somehow drove into the worst area of Chicago got lost and then locks her keys in the car..Like some of you mentioned we have started the process of monitoring her finances, online access, set beneficiaries etc and getting POA set up.
Sucks getting old. Can’t imagine what our kids will have to deal with all us machine shop guys. 10’s of 1000’s lbs of machines and tools!


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A friend said that his mom cared for his dad his last year at home, 24/7. He said that in that year, his mom visibly aged about 10 years. Point being, it'll be probably the hardest thing you've ever done, so getting help from others is - in my opinion - not an option past some point, if it's at all financially possible.
 
KB, that was the point I was hoping to get across.:tranquility:
 
Jeff, Sorry to read about your mom, I have no advice that hasn't already been said.

Prayers for your family

Tim
 
Likely all of us will go through this stage of life.
Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson in the late 70s. The meds helped for as long as they could, but as time moves on so did the disease. Dad and I took care of her needs and in the last couple years with help from outside nurses on part time basis. She had a big step down at 83 and dementia shortly after that. I was spending 30 hours a week helping out after work and weekends.
Dad was going down hill with all the night time needs and just as he mentioned about placement, mom entered hospital with some issues that we could not resolve. Sadly she passed in 2 weeks.
Both of us were wiped out. Took both of us months to recover. Dad has not really come back as his health had taken a hit.
I mention this because, even though mom was home and this was good for her, it took a huge toll on us. We were looking at live in care as it is better for all and really can be not as expensive as LTC homes but dad place was not set up for what care mom would of needed. It is good you have a plan with some options, review as conditions do change which changes the plan.

Pierre
 
Lots of good stuff in this. Every situation is different. We have been through this twice. The FiL five years ago. And now the MiL passed away this last Thursday. You do what you can with what you have available. You plan ahead based on what info you have, but often conditions change faster than you can execute a plan. I will not go into details of what we did right and wrong, as it does not apply to anyone else. However, I will say this. Do not regret any decision made. This, more than anything else, caused much anguish with my wife when her dad passed.
 
Just had our one week team meeting.
Poor old mom. We had a good cry.
When you watch the PT help or teach us how to transfer mom from a walker to the car and she isn’t sure if she is coming or going?
She is not going home.
That breaks my heart.
Maybe I just need another little cry.
 
It is tough. Got a call from my sister. Dad had a fall, but nothing broken. At 90, anything can be a problem.
Pierre
 
Janderso said:
Just had our one week team meeting.
Poor old mom. We had a good cry.
When you watch the PT help or teach us how to transfer mom from a walker to the car and she isn’t sure if she is coming or going?
She is not going home.
That breaks my heart.
Maybe I just need another little cry.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that, I was hoping things might start to improve after a few days.
 
Mom said today, I think I need to move to an assistive living facility.
I am so glad she made this decision on her own.
Taking the week off to find a new home for mom.
 
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