Mothering my mother

I often wonder if at advanced ages your thoughts become how they are if you have a high fever and are delirious.
 
I told my mom that she worked hard for her money, and she should use it for herself. I also told her that if she died with a dollar to her name she should fire her accountant for not having spent it all.... :)
I came into this world with nothing, and still have most of it left :encourage:
 
Janderso said:
Hey all,
I know many of you are in the golden years or lingering around them. Many of you have gone through or are going through what we are dealing with. Dad's gone now.
My mother is 88.
My wife took her to the emergency room last Friday. She lost the ability to walk and was having trouble with her hands and her speech is affected.
Long story short, she is now in a good aggressive rehab. facility near our home.
She is complaining they are working her too hard. She tells my wife one thing and me another.
My wife observed one of her PT sessions. Mom seems to be avoiding doing the work by asking the PT, personal questions. Avoiding the work.

She was living by herself in a nice apartment near us.
I'm not so sure she is going to be able to return.
That just breaks my heart.

She is not a woman that will do well in a skilled nursing home or even a facility where they offer services while she has an apartment.
This is difficult. Fortunately she has a good investment portfolio we can draw from.
Thankfully we have the trust all squared away, I am a co-trustee with power of attorney, health directive agent etc.

Mom always said, when I get too old to live on my own, just take me out fishing and push me in. We always laughed.
I can't do that.
Click to expand...
It is sad but true and old age is waiting for us all. Good luck to you and your family
 
Aukai said:
I told my mom that she worked hard for her money, and she should use it for herself. I also told her that if she died with a dollar to her name she should fire her accountant for not having spent it all.... :)
I came into this world with nothing, and still have most of it left :encourage:
Click to expand...
We have never included inheritance money in our retirement planning.
I am proud of my parents for providing for their long term expenses.
I hope we won’t be a burden to our kids.
 
tjb said:
You are not alone. Here is a great resource:

www.nytimes.com

Atul Gawande’s ‘Being Mortal’ (Published 2014)

Atul Gawande believes that the medical profession’s job is to “enable well-being,” not just strive for survival.
www.nytimes.com www.nytimes.com

Regards,
Terry
Click to expand...
tjb,
I just wanted to thank you for recommending this book.
I haven’t finished it yet, but so far I appreciate the valuable insight of the aging process and how we go through it.
 
Janderso said:
tjb,
I just wanted to thank you for recommending this book.
I haven’t finished it yet, but so far I appreciate the valuable insight of the aging process and how we go through it.
Click to expand...
You're welcome, Jeff. It was a real eye-opener to me as well. I've been following your progress on this thread, and it sounds like you've worked diligently to choose the optimal facility for your Mom. You are to be congratulated.

Glad to hear that book is helping you out in this difficult segment of her life. Clearly, she was a great Mom. She raised a good son.

Regards,
Terry
 
tjb said:
You're welcome, Jeff. It was a real eye-opener to me as well. I've been following your progress on this thread, and it sounds like you've worked diligently to choose the optimal facility for your Mom. You are to be congratulated.

Glad to hear that book is helping you out in this difficult segment of her life. Clearly, she was a great Mom. She raised a good son.

Regards,
Terry
Click to expand...
We’ve been working our buts off and have mom’s apartment ready for her arrival on Tuesday.
 

Attachments

  • FCC30C2A-64A6-4998-8DCE-6FFAF100766D.jpeg
    FCC30C2A-64A6-4998-8DCE-6FFAF100766D.jpeg
    372 KB · Views: 11
  • 186C394E-64E1-44E6-8752-595CDCE74440.jpeg
    186C394E-64E1-44E6-8752-595CDCE74440.jpeg
    697.3 KB · Views: 11
  • F78707EF-3267-4A8E-A009-DDAC765D1F5D.jpeg
    F78707EF-3267-4A8E-A009-DDAC765D1F5D.jpeg
    653.2 KB · Views: 11
  • 8412C519-5D6C-4472-8152-755C4AA8BD97.jpeg
    8412C519-5D6C-4472-8152-755C4AA8BD97.jpeg
    778.2 KB · Views: 10
That looks fantastic Jeff!
 
Jeff,
So sorry to hear that you are going through this. I lost my mother to cancer at a relative young age of 74, my dad passed away from meso cancer at 85. Both went fast, it may sound horribly to say, but in both cases, I prayed that it either take them fast or they are cured. I watched my grandmother over decades fight illness and cancer. No way to live. As you and others have said, both my mother and father went through the depression, WWII and my dad fought in Korea. They were loving people but, like most of the era, independant, didn't talk about their feelings much and were the best people I have ever known.

I wish I had something that I could say to you and to all the members here that have, are or will go through this with their parents and older family members. Sadly, I don't have anything profound to share that would help or make you feel any better.

I do have my prayers and good wishes to you and your love ones, along with everyone else here going through this.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top